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The Power of Forgiveness: Healing Wounds and Restoring Relationships Part 2: Self-Forgiveness and Repentance

Last week we focused on the process of forgiving others (which you can read here). This week, we will take a deep dive into self-forgiveness and repentance. The concept of self-forgiveness is all too often an overlooked aspect of the forgiveness and repentance process. 

The Importance of Self-Forgiveness

   The concept of self-forgiveness holds profound significance, as it aligns with the teachings of love, compassion, and redemption found in the Bible. As humans, we are inherently flawed and susceptible to making mistakes. While forgiving others and seeking God's forgiveness is essential, it is equally important to recognize the necessity of self-forgiveness. The act of self-forgiveness acknowledges our imperfections and brokenness while embracing God's infinite grace and mercy. By holding onto guilt and self-condemnation, we inadvertently limit our capacity to fully embrace God's love and purpose for our lives. Self-forgiveness allows us to release the burdens of past mistakes, paving the way for spiritual growth and a deeper connection with God. It is a humbling act of accepting God's forgiveness and extending that same grace towards ourselves, recognizing that God's love is all-encompassing and unconditional. As we forgive ourselves, we open our hearts to God's transformative power, allowing Him to heal our wounds and guide us toward a path of restoration and spiritual wholeness. Self-forgiveness is not an evasion of responsibility but a courageous step toward embodying God's redemptive plan and fully experiencing the freedom and joy that comes from walking in His forgiveness and grace.

Overcoming Obstacles That Prevent Self-Forgiveness 

   As we discussed last week, forgiveness can be a challenging journey that requires understanding, patience, and compassion. Because of our innate human reaction to hold ourselves to high expectations, we tend to harshly criticize ourselves and hold onto self-blame, making self-forgiveness have even more difficult and extensive obstacles to overcome. We can overcome the various challenges by acknowledging our shortcomings and holding ourselves accountable. When we examine the consequences that our actions have affected ourselves or others, we are able to understand the pain or harm we caused, allowing the room to learn from the experience. This lets us identify any changes that we can make in the future. 
   No matter how difficult, you need to allow yourself to feel the emotions that arise. Common emotions are guilt, shame, and regret. Validate and process these feelings through healthy means. Pray to God and ask Him to release the burden of guilt, shame, and self-condemnation to God. Surrender your pain and regrets to Him, trusting that He is able to heal and restore you. Allow His forgiveness to bring you peace and freedom. You need to let go of the need for perfection and unrealistic expectations of yourself. This can be easier by developing an understanding that growth and self-improvement take time and patience by welcoming the journey of self-forgiveness as a process rather than expecting immediate resolution. 
   A large part of freeing yourself from perfectionism is challenging negative self-talk. Replace these thoughts and self-condemnation with God's truth. Remind yourself of your identity in Christ and His promises of forgiveness, redemption, and newness of life. Be gentle with yourself. Accept God's unconditional love and forgiveness for you. When you embrace God’s grace in your daily life, you are able to extend the same grace and forgiveness to yourself that He offers to you. Understand that God's forgiveness is not based on your own merit but on His grace and the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Accept that you are worthy of God's forgiveness and that He offers you a fresh start. 
   Meditating on God's Word can help you by providing comfort, guidance, and assurance of His forgiveness. Examples include: Psalm 103:12, Isaiah 1:18, 2 Chronicles 7:14, Acts 3:19, 2 Peter 3:9, Micah 7:18, James 4:8-10 and 1 John 1:9. If applicable, apologize to anyone who has been negatively impacted by your actions. Turn to God and humbly express genuine remorse and repentance. Although daunting, you are worthy of forgiveness and self-love. When you seek out God, He will ease the hardship by guiding you through the whole operation while blanketing you with mercy and love. 

The Importance of Repentance

   Practicing repentance is an essential aspect of spiritual growth and reconciliation with God. Repentance is not merely expressing remorse for one's sins; it is a heartfelt turning away from sinful behaviors and a sincere desire to realign one's life with God's will. The Bible teaches that all have sinned and fallen short of God's glory (Romans 3:23), and repentance offers the opportunity for transformation and restoration. 
   When we adopt repentance, we demonstrate our recognition of our need for God's forgiveness and grace. It allows us to humble ourselves before God, surrendering our pride and opening our hearts to His life-altering authority. Through repentance, we lay the foundation for a renewed relationship with God, one built on humility, obedience, and a desire to align our lives with His will. It is an ongoing practice that encourages spiritual growth, drawing us closer to God and enabling us to experience His boundless love, mercy, and forgiveness. 
   Repentance requires honesty and vulnerability, as we confront our own weaknesses and seek God's help to change and become more Christ-like. Repentance is not a burden or a means to earn salvation but rather a response to God's unending grace, an opportunity to continually realign our hearts and minds with His divine purpose. It is an invitation to experience the freedom and abundant life that comes from surrendering our sins to God and accepting His loving embrace. 
   Through genuine repentance, we demonstrate our willingness to surrender our old ways and receive a new life in Christ. God promises that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). Repentance is not a one-time event but a continual attitude of the heart, fostering a deep and intimate relationship with God. As we practice repentance, we experience the profound joy of God's forgiveness and the life-changing influence of His love, leading us to live a life that glorifies Him and reflects His grace to the world.

The Process of Repentance

   Seeking repentance involves the recognition, accountability, and confession of specific thoughts, words, or actions that have fallen short of God’s teachings. It requires full transparency and sincerity when speaking to Him about your sins and your willingness to turn away from the sinful thoughts and behaviors. It involves a pure desire to align your thoughts, actions, and attitudes with His will. You need to submit yourself to Him and ask Him for His strength and guidance to overcome any sinful tendencies or patterns. Ask God to wash away your wrongdoings, trust Him to forgive you through Christ’s sacrifice, and accept His forgiveness. Encompass the process of repentance as an opportunity for a renewed relationship with Him. When you surrender yourself to God, He will help you live a life that honors Him. 

The Comparison of Self-Forgiveness and Repentance

   While self-forgiveness and repentance are distinct, the relationship between them is closely intertwined and complementary. Self-forgiveness allows individuals to experience the fullness of God's forgiveness and love, releasing them from the shackles of guilt and shame. It is an act of accepting one's own humanity, acknowledging mistakes, and accepting the metamorphic strength of God's grace. 
   Repentance, on the other hand, is a response to forgiveness. It is a vital step towards restoration and renewal. It involves a genuine turning away from sin, seeking forgiveness from God and others, and committing to a life aligned with God's will. It demonstrates a genuine recognition of wrongdoing and a desire for change, opening the door for healing and reconciliation to take place. Both self-forgiveness and repentance foster personal growth, healing, and the deepening of one's relationship with God. Through these processes, you embody God's mercy, extend grace to yourself and others, and walk in the path of spiritual renewal.

How to Identify When You Need to Forgive Yourself or Repent

Here are a few indicators that can help you recognize when you need to practice self-forgiveness and repentance:

Conviction of Wrongdoing: 
If you feel a sense of guilt, shame, or remorse over your actions or behaviors, it may be an indication that you need to repent. The Holy Spirit often convicts our hearts when we have strayed from God's will.

Conflict in Relationships: 
When your actions have caused harm or strained your relationships with others, it is a sign that repentance may be necessary. Recognizing the impact of your behavior on others and their well-being can prompt a need for repentance and seeking forgiveness.

Conviction by the Word of God: 
The Bible serves as a guide for our lives, revealing God's standards and principles. When you come across passages or teachings that highlight areas of your life where you fall short, it can prompt a realization of the need for repentance and aligning your life with God's Word.

Lack of Peace or Spiritual Unrest:
If you are experiencing a lack of peace in your heart or a sense of spiritual unrest, it may indicate that there are unresolved sins or unconfessed wrongdoing in your life. Repentance and seeking forgiveness can bring about a renewed sense of peace and spiritual well-being.

Promptings from the Holy Spirit: 
The Holy Spirit works within us, guiding and convicting us of our need for repentance. Pay attention to the promptings and nudges from the Spirit, as they can help you recognize areas of your life that require repentance and surrender to God.

All-In-All

   Altogether, self-forgiveness involves treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness, just as we would extend those qualities to others. When we forgive ourselves, we are accepting ourselves, our flaws, and all, allowing us to recognize that we are imperfect human beings who make mistakes and are deserving of love and compassion. When we hold onto guilt, shame, or self-condemnation, it hinders our ability to move forward. That's why through self-forgiveness we are enabled to admit our humanity and learn from our mistakes and failures without being paralyzed by guilt or self-blame. We are allowing our experiences to be seen as opportunities for growth, resilience, and healing. It aligns with the teachings of love, grace, and redemption, allowing us to experience God's forgiveness and embark on our spiritual journey with a sense of freedom and wholeness.
   Repentance is the subsequent step in the process that is essential for unerring forgiveness. It is a continual procedure of aligning our lives with God's will and seeking His forgiveness. It is a response to His boundless love and grace, allowing us to experience His transformative power in our lives. He is loving, merciful, and eager to forgive those who genuinely seek Him. Approach Him with a humble and contrite heart, trusting in His abundant grace and forgiveness through Jesus Christ. 

Ultimately, forgiving others, self-forgiveness and repentance are interconnected aspects of the Christian journey. Forgiveness reflects God's love and mercy, and repentance allows individuals to experience the transformational power of God's forgiveness, leading to restored relationships and spiritual growth.

- Torrance Church of Christ

Parallel Bible Verses Connecting The New Testament To The Old Testament Through The Gospels

Sometimes the Old Testament can be an underutilized tool. The focus is on the old covenant, right? After all, all of the stuff we need to know is derived from the New Testament. Not so fast. The links and connections between the Old and New Testaments are pivotal to Christianity. It is through these associations and direct quotes that promises and prophecies are actualized, and a deeper understanding of Christ’s New Covenant can be attained. In fact, fulfillment was always a part of God’s divine plan.

Jesus came to Earth to complete His purpose. God promised salvation in the Old Testament, and Jesus served as the vehicle to ensure salvation is available for all. 

To help you deepen your Bible Study and understanding, below is a list of the numerous interconnected scripture throughout the four Gospels. 

Remember

The Old Testament is important to incorporate into your Bible Study. By discovering parallels between the Old and the New Testaments, you are better able to understand and appreciate the inner-workings of God’s plan. 

- Torrance Church of Christ

The Word of God is Revealed to Those Who Know Him

In last week's post (that you can read here), we established that those who are faithful and whose hearts are founded in God’s Words are able to decipher and understand His messages. We shared the following scriptures from the Parable of the Sower that emphasized this point: 

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“Because the knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.”

Matthew 13:11-12

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“But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. For truly I tell you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.”

Matthew 13:16-17

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He told them, “The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables”

Mark 4:11

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He said, “The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of God has been given to you, but to others, I speak in parables”

Luke 8:10

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To further highlight that Jesus used parables as a way to conceal and reveal:

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Jesus spoke all these things to the crowd in parables; he did not say anything to them without using a parable. So was fulfilled what was spoken through the prophet:

“I will open my mouth in parables, I will utter things hidden since the creation of the world.”

Matthew 13:34-35 

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Jesus is referring to: 

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I will open my mouth with a parable; I will utter hidden things, things from of old—

Psalm 78:2

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This week, we will expand on the mysteries of God’s Word being unearthed.

Mysteries In The Old Testament 

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Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance— for understanding proverbs and parables, the sayings and riddles of the wise

Proverbs 1:5-6

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Throughout the Old Testament, God reveals His mysteries to those who follow His law. Only His most righteous followers were granted special authority to receive revelation so that they could teach and spread His word. 

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Surely the Sovereign Lord does nothing without revealing his plan to his servants the prophets.

Amos 3:7

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The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.

Deuteronomy 29:29

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The individuals who hardened their hearts toward God were unable to comprehend the vital implications of the law. 

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Son of man, you are living among a rebellious people. They have eyes to see but do not see and ears to hear but do not hear, for they are a rebellious people.

Ezekiel 12:2

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They know nothing, they understand nothing; their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see,

    and their minds closed so they cannot understand.

Isaiah 44:18

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Chapter two in the Book of Daniel provides an instance where God revealed Himself.  During his second year of reign, King Nebuchadnezzar began having dreams that left him to endure fitful sleep. He reached out to magicians, enchanters, sorcerers, and astrologers in hopes that they could interpret his dreams. The men were unable to interpret the dreams, and the king wanted Daniel and his friends to execute the men. Daniel couldn’t understand the harsh punishment that the king had issued, so he went to the king and offered to interpret the dreams. Daniel was fearful that if he could not interpret the dreams, he and his friends might also be ordered to be executed. So Daniel did what he thought best, and reached out to God:

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He urged them to plead for mercy from the God of heaven concerning this mystery, so that he and his friends might not be executed with the rest of the wise men of Babylon. During the night the mystery was revealed to Daniel in a vision. Then Daniel praised the God of heaven and said:

“Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his.

He changes times and seasons; he deposes kings and raises up others.

He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning.

He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him.

I thank and praise you, God of my ancestors:

You have given me wisdom and power, you have made known to me what we asked of you, you have made known to us the dream of the king.”

Daniel 2:18-23

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Because of Daniel’s faith, God revealed the meaning of the dreams to him. Daniel went forth to the king and gave an interpretation. 

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Daniel replied, “No wise man, enchanter, magician or diviner can explain to the king the mystery he has asked about, but there is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries. He has shown King Nebuchadnezzar what will happen in days to come. Your dream and the visions that passed through your mind as you were lying in bed are these:

“As Your Majesty was lying there, your mind turned to things to come, and the revealer of mysteries showed you what is going to happen. As for me, this mystery has been revealed to me, not because I have greater wisdom than anyone else alive, but so that Your Majesty may know the interpretation and that you may understand what went through your mind.

Daniel 2:27-30

Afterward, the king was so pleased with Daniel and declared:

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The king said to Daniel, “Surely your God is the God of gods and the Lord of kings and a revealer of mysteries, for you were able to reveal this mystery.”

Daniel 2:47

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Daniel’s faithfulness, righteousness, and willingness to turn toward God permitted God to reveal Himself to Daniel. Daniel’s account is just one of many within the Old Testament. 

Mysteries In The New Testament

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For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open.

Mark 4:22

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The promise that everything hidden will be unveiled is all throughout the New Testament (example: Matthew 10:26-27, Luke 8:17).

But as the hour of His death neared, Jesus began to speak plainly to His disciples. 

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Though I have been speaking figuratively, a time is coming when I will no longer use this kind of language but will tell you plainly about my Father.

John 16:25

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He then began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and after three days rise again. He spoke plainly about this, and Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him.

Mark 8:31-32

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Christ taught His disciples so that when His time on Earth came to an end, the Word of God would continue to be taught. 

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At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.

All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.”

Matthew 11:25-27

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After Christ’s death, the disciples built up churches and the Christian faith. They revealed the mysteries Jesus had bestowed to all who would listen (also see Ephesians 3:3-6, Romans 16:25-26, Titus 1:1-3, Ephesians 3:8-9, Colossians 2:2-3).

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He made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.

Ephesians 1:9-10

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I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. 

Colossians 1:25-26

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Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet’s own interpretation of things. For prophecy never had its origin in the human will, but prophets, though human, spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

2 Peter 1:20-21

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Through Christ, We Can Know the Truth

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“I have testimony weightier than that of John. For the works that the Father has given me to finish—the very works that I am doing—testify that the Father has sent me. And the Father who sent me has himself testified concerning me. You have never heard his voice nor seen his form, nor does his word dwell in you, for you do not believe the one he sent. You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life.

“I do not accept glory from human beings, but I know you. I know that you do not have the love of God in your hearts. I have come in my Father’s name, and you do not accept me; but if someone else comes in his own name, you will accept him. How can you believe since you accept glory from one another but do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?

“But do not think I will accuse you before the Father. Your accuser is Moses, on whom your hopes are set. If you believed Moses, you would believe me, for he wrote about me. But since you do not believe what he wrote, how are you going to believe what I say?”

John 5:36-47

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Those who followed the law in the Old Testament were able to receive revelation through God. But once Christ came to Earth, faith in Him and His teachings became the pivotal condition to unlocking the meaning of the scriptures and heavenly mysteries. Christ became the Word, and through Him, we will know the truth. 

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In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

There was a man sent from God whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.

The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—  children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 1:1-14

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This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all people. This has now been witnessed to at the proper time. 

1 Timothy 2:3-6

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No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. However, as it is written:

“What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”— the things God has prepared for those who love him— these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, for,

“Who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?”

But we have the mind of Christ.

1 Corinthians 2:7-16

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But Sometimes, We May Need Some Additional Support

Even today, God’s messages are concealed. Sometimes, you may have difficulty understanding a certain chapter in the Bible, or you might struggle with relating and connecting to a Biblical event. Don’t let that deter you. Even Christ’s twelve disciples needed some extra explanation to help them discern His messages. 

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With many similar parables Jesus spoke the word to them, as much as they could understand. He did not say anything to them without using a parable. But when he was alone with his own disciples, he explained everything.

Mark 4:33-34

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It is important to note that despite requiring supplemental clarification, the disciples were privileged to receive it. In contrast to those who couldn’t comprehend Christ’s messages, His disciples were able to be taught and understand. In fact, they were eager to understand and learn. There are multiple instances where once in private, the disciples inquired of Jesus to further explain His messages (Mark 10:10, Mark 9:28, Luke 8:9, Matthew 13:36, just to name a few). His disciples needing further explanation emphasize the point that man is imperfect, and we need to lean on God. 

Even after His time on Earth, His disciples continued to seek His guidance.

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Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel

Ephesians 6:19

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Wrapping Up

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Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you lose on earth will be lost in heaven.” Then he ordered his disciples not to tell anyone that he was the Messiah.

Matthew 16:16-20

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Christ is the fundamental panacea to obtaining insight into God’s mysteries. Continue to read your scriptures, attend worship, and pray for the ability to understand. Build your relationship with God, and He will unveil His sacred mysteries to you.